Saturday, 11 July 2009

• ---- switchfoot

  Wonder if she knows
  The way I saw her soul
  Light up my life
  Wonder if she knows
  of the pain I feel tonight
  'Cause I want someone to share my smile
  To share the pain
  To be there when the sea turns gray
  To share the joy
  For better or worse
  And I thought that it might have been her
  I thought that it might have been her

  -----------------------

  I really like the line "be there when the sea turns grey". I've seen the sea turned grey, but it was okay there was no one around, I didn't suffer too much. It's still a nice line though.

  I've been happy without people lately. Been less dependent on having someone there when I'm sad. Not finding strength in myself either.

  I wonder what is the line between just sounding like I am pretending to be joyful and really truly being joyful. For moods just go up and down all the time. At the same time, what is the line between being telling other people I am thankful to God, and just sounding like I am trying to demonstrate faith. Anyway, i am thankful.

  For God not giving me more than i can bear. I thought the other day, what would happen if I went insane. I started seeing things, I stopped paying attention to reality or logic. Would I still be thankful to God. After all, I think something about complete insanity goes into my deepest fears. I watched this batman clip where the joker sent robin insane and it was sort of disturbing. How can faith function when your mind has no capacity to grasp who God is? Perhaps even positioning oneself as God?

  I don't know. It's sort of weird because already our faculties (as finite beings) are not capable of comprehending our infinite God. Yet imagine if we became even more finite ? Or I guess, our ability for abstract thought was shrunk. If all we could think of was "sleep, eat, play". Can we still know love? Can we still know the love of our Father.

  That's probably an important thing to think about when teaching children. we teach them expecting them one day to comprehend it on a level that we can.. I have to say, I doubt that any of us actually can comphrehend it on any sufficient level.

  So where does that leave us, with levels? Maybe no levels, only humility. Recognising our place with God, recognising our place before God.

   

  I can't condemn you, I love you too much

  Desert girl
  Her eyes of amber, loosened bark
  Flickering, hiding heat and night
  Her long hair caught me with its light

  I was so dark and she burned bright
  So I'd follow her, though evening crept,
  Believing she blossomed strength inside
  Those noonday eyes, as we had wept

  Her tears had pooled to glittering wastelands
  Where jackals ripped and tore her breath
  To grinning skulls and bloodied shirts
  Her sapphires bleeding ruby death

  Those eyes had closed, as we had wept
  I was a jackal, she was the vein
  So I'd follow her, though evening crept
  But she never looked at me again
  
  She led me broken, between two pillars
  She placed my hands on each one's side
  She said to push the pillars down
  Without a god, without a guide

  Then I could see, then I could feel
  I left her weeping drops of stone
  Away, I thought I'd won until
  When I didn't hold those pillars still
  They fell, and I bent to her will

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